January Week 2 Chat

CHAT

Natasha: Please use the chat to introduce yourselves… geography, how long you’ve been in transition, how you would identify these days…

M: Tulsa. 11 months. atheist

H: Hi! I resigned from LDS church a couple of years ago. Surprised that it is still hard. I live in San Diego.

S: I'm from Utah, I've been out for just under 4 years. I'm definitely out, name no longer on the records

A: I’m in UT. I've been struggling with LDS church for about 4 years. Have stepped away over the past year or so. Husband is still involved.

Natasha: Immoral heathens atheists are….;)

E: Hi Everyone! I’m live in Georgia. My husband and I have been completely “out” of the church for about a year now…but have not told our extremely believing families.

L: I live in Utah and stopped going a year and a half ago. I identify as "Mormon adjacent”

B: Logan, Utah, shelf broke May 2022 after watching Under the Banner of Heaven, and I began reading and listening to everything. No longer believing in LDS truth claims or Christian truth claims. Agnostic, I guess, or believing in a Creator or Source. Haven’t told my parents or siblings much of anything yet.

J: Brava M… that is a great boundary

L: I was born and raised but stopped going about 18 years ago....as soon as I could move out of my parents house. It has come back up because hard for me for the past year and a half as I tried having a relationships with my TBM sisters.

G: It can go the other way too, parents measuring their own success by their kids' temple marriages, etc.

M: so true

S: I’m sorry I was waiting in the wrong zoom link. What is the topic tonight?

M: my sibling did the same about their kids and my mom was devastated

A: B, just wanted to say I relate--I shared with my parents over the summer and it was very scary for me. I decided to be honest, but not give too much detail. I started the conversation by saying that I was nervous to have this conversation because I value our relationship so much, an that having an open and honest relationship with them is important to me, but in order to have that, I have to be open and honest. My mom is similar to you it sounds like--she was very sad and tearful throughout the conversation and I was too. But I felt SO MUCH relief after I finally shared. I had been increasingly anxious around my family before I finally told them. Sorry this is so long!

M: sharing our faith transition

L: navigating close relationships during our faith transition

N: I am sorry 😢 There is a stress being in the other foot as well (the only believing member left for a long time and having the identity as the Believing one). So, for me, I can’t come out to anyone in real life. I hope you can find a way to help your mom know you still love her. And that she can hear it

N: The answer to my prayers have changed

H: hard truth

B: Thanks for sharing, A!

M: such a good question!

N: Fair is fair (deathbed conversion out)

M: my grandpa is doing great and I'm worried about my parents and they feel like I'm being atheist AT them

E: I can 1000% relate to that. My mom has an ICD and really scary heart problems with some close calls this past year. I have been wrestling with the thought of her having a literal heart attack with the news…or her dying before she ever comes around and is at least civil.

S: one thing I love that Brene Brown says often is that you only share your story with those you feel have earned the right to your story

M: I like that! I just announced it because I didn't want a million conversations. I wanted to get it over with and be done. but that method seems very healthy

L: M I did the same

M: rip off the bandaid. lol

E: I am planning on writing a letter so I am not there for their initial reaction

N: My husband is one of 8, and 7 are married. When we left, and we let everyone know, 2 others came to us on the side saying that they were on their way out too.

M: it gives them time to process too E

J: I was able to reconnect to a SIL quite closely after I sent a general, simplistic text to my sibling group. That was an unexpected bonus.

L: I felt it came to the point I had to hold a zoom meeting with my family as they kept referring to me as LDS/Mormon when I clearly identified as NOT Mormon. It wasn’t pleasant but they actually would confuse me about my own identity. If that makes sense. It messed up my reality.

M: my mom hasn't called me since I left. not even on my birthday. it sucks to lose that hugs

S: I’m so sorry M! That is so hard!

J: Whew… that’s hard.

E: So sorry, M. That makes me sick.

L: that is hard!

N: It’s so hard to lose that relationship. I wish I could hug you. 💖

G: M, so sorry to hear. That sucks. 💜

N: I’ve become sort of an aunt figure to a lot of displaced humans due to losing relationships through different troubles. There are people out there, I hope there is someone for you 💖 you have us for good vibes and solidarity support ♥️

M: ❤️ you'd want to be close their final years, but here we are, and is there time to repair it?

N: Sometimes the transitioner is the last out, which is differently difficult

A: It's very brave to step into a space of honoring yourself rather than appeasing the family "system". It is hard, but you're doing a brave and strong thing.

N: I am sorry 😢

Natasha: Book Recommendation: How Minds Change

L: I’ve tried having those relationships with my blood family and it has unfortunately disappointed me every time. It's not your fault for relationships failing for doing what feels right to you!! Blood or not!! Much love to all!

N: I’m learning all of these things (boundaries, self care, critical thinking skills) year, and it’s been HARD work. I was explaining that horrifying video of the mom who goes through her whole day doing everything for everyone else (called You Never Know How Much Good You Do) and her jaw dropped. We were taught how normal that is to give everything of yourself, and God will make up the rest, but he didn’t. And now we have to learn something new, taking care of ourselves and functioning in a healthy way. It’s so hard but it’s so worth it.

G: That video = 🤬

M: How Minds Change by David McRaney if you're wondering.

N: I remember watching that video as a TBM and it was like “oh I need to do more” watching it with my opened eyes, I was horrified.

M: I’ll get better! LOL

cue angel choir

Natasha: Book for book club: Leaving the Fold