January Week 3 Chat

S: Hi, I’m S coming from Idaho Falls, ID. I am in my first year of faith transition.

S2: Hi S2 from Texas. She/her. Deconstructing for almost 1 year

M: What kind of residency E?

N: What part of Montana?

L: I would be clear on the why for telling them before. I also know that if you treat it casually that's more likely to be mirrored

N: Has there been indication of concerns in the past? (Either from you to them or them to you?)

M: my tale is a case of what not to do! ;)

M: sacrifice a chicken for you

M: I have to remind myself that this is their version of love. It helps me not take it so personally

A: YES. my dad told me pretty firmly that it's very important I raise my children in the church. I just told him I appreciate his input and that those decisions will be made between my husband and me.

E: Thanks for all the comments and advice, everybody! My family is from Bozeman. I think my parents know something is up with us (my mom asked me why I don’t wear my garments), but have no idea the extent of it.

It’s a clinical pharmacy residency 🙂

M: I was textbook on what NOT to do with my spouse too…

M: my son gets home from his mission next month. I'm nervous to have the conversation with him. He knows I left but I feel like I want to talk to him about why which I didn't feel was appropriate on his mission,

L: honesty vs. compassion

M: Temple presidents?! That is rough E!

M: It's been hard with my siblings too. Apparently there is Team Jesus and Team Heathen

L: I have this question too!

S: Is the audio wonky for anyone else? Ali sounds like she is cutting out.

N: She is

L: Yes. If she turns off her camera it will help the audio.

A: Sorry, I see your comments now. Sorry you couldn't hear me!

A: Basically how do I manage my relationship with family after telling them. It feels awkward.

St: I’m the opposite. I’m sad that my family doesn’t want to talk about things. I’m trying to deal with the loss of intimacy in my close relationships

S: You sound fine. Can you repeat her question?

M: Not even close to 5 or 6 at this point :(

M: My mom said she'd talk to me about it when she's ready. 9 months later….

L: "I don't want to talk about the church, but I love talking to you. How's x?

N: Is it possible/recommended to prepare for the intimacy/working through issues to be rejected?(Meaning if we want to work through it but the other party doesn’t)

A: Thank you! Sorry about the audio

N: Isn’t life “us against them” at a basic level?

M: my hubby tells me to go to make them uncomfortable when they say junk like that

N: Or is that the point: overcoming instinct?

L: It feels like that a lot. The group think it's a survival mechanism and it's hard to challenge that

N: Replying to "my hubby tells me to…"I am sorry :(. But if that is your comfort level, sounds great(Says the person who can’t tell anyone about my change of heart)

L: My son doesn’t want to talk about it. It is breaking my heart, but I just have to accept where he is at. It is hard.

L: Oh good. I’m already there! 😆

A: leaning in to allll the emotions that grief brings up. there's no right or wrong way to grieve--it's a lot of allowing and accepting whatever shows up. hard stuff.

N: Is that “situational”vs “chemical” depression?

M: I talked to my doctor and said "I left my religion and I'm super happy but I'm also depressed which is weird because I feel so much better”

N: Apologies for using a legacy/invalid term

N: Eeyore is my spirit animal

H: Sorry I’m not visible tonight (I’m cooking at the moment).

About grief work:

I am currently doing

1) talk therapy,

2) prescription medication (Celexa) and now

3) Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)

E: I’m mind-blown right now with that idea

S1: My goal is find peace with myself and my decisions.

M: you have to know the good to know the bad. LOL

N : Replying to "you have to know the…”True. Sad. But still true

J: <3 thx group! hats off and see you next week. i'm on the east coast and it's late and I'm going to sign off. <3

N: Does he know you left/changed?

N: Mormon families have their own messed up “normal”

N: Have you been able to prep him for coming home?

M: He knows I left. Not why I left. I didn't think it was appropriate

E: I remember my dad telling his missionaries that the level of sadness/harder it was to come home was an indication of how good of a missionary you were 🥴

L: I think you can talk about the concern without talking about the church. I.e. I think I was too hard on you when x and I regret any harm that caused

N: Replying to "Have you been able t…"I know minimal people on my mission were prepped for the changes

L: To clarify…my son will talk to me, but religion is not a topic that he wants to talk about and I respect that.

G: Replying to "I remember my dad te..." Yikes.

L: Thank you so much for all that you do!